When I was a kid I remember a light brown Chevy pickup backing into our driveway. It was dark and the flood light of our garage lit up the spot where my dad’s couch was going to get loaded into the back of the truck. Or was it my mom’s couch? It was THEIR couch. “There he goes; daddy’s moving out,” I said to myself.
I don’t remember anything else about that night; I was four. The night was dark and that flood light was more like a spot light on the stage of what would turn out to be a nonchalant tragedy of sorts. The only thing that existed that night was my dad leaving the house and going somewhere else. I didn’t go with him. I did wonder where he was going though. Where was he going to live? What does it look like? Is it far away? Will I get to see him? What you can’t see as a kid, you fill in the blanks, like the unspoken backstories of books you read or were read to as a youngster. We all have our own versions of those backstories even though we all may see the same things happening.
As we look back at our upbringing there are moments that shape us and impact us to such a degree without us even knowing it. What was your upbringing like? Is it kind of the same or totally different? No matter what it is I’m confident of this: No matter what, there’s something that left a dent, or a scar, rather.
We take inventory on our hearts and wonder where the joy is or why are we not happy with life or the course of our career and/or relationships. We may come to a realization of the damages that were never addressed. I feel like I grew into a 23-year-old boy and then began a journey into becoming a man and here I am 12 years later as a father and leader and husband and friend to many. Yet, crashing to this revelation that we as children may grow up, we all remain children.
We remain people with experiences that have impacted us. Moments have shaped and influenced our decisions and what we believe about ourselves. The truth is, even though I love my dad and I know that my dad loved me, I didn’t experience the fullness of that love and I still long for it.
Genesis 12:1-3 (NIV) says,
The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.
2 “I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”
This is the call of Abram. What Abram needed to do was to draw close to the Father, but he wouldn’t do that while he remained a citizen and a member of his history. God desired to do something brand new in his life and to flow blessings TO him and THROUGH him, but it wouldn’t happen until he would draw near to the Father and have a close and trusting relationship with him.
For years, we can miss what heaven is doing by keeping our identity as an orphan, an un-fathered little kid that never had their dad’s full heart. Perhaps we have lived out failed expectations or unmet needs from our relationships, or lack thereof. Our Glorious Dad wants to draw you into His house and let heaven invade everything you do. We need to leave our father’s house and enter into our Father’s House.
If you live your life constantly trying to validate who you are based on your past or upbringing and the role and identity your family has put on you, then you will never experience heaven’s assignment for your life.
I grew up angry inside, fake on the outside, and constantly breaking the rules and offending authorities to gain laughs and popularity. Through all of my efforts, that didn’t make me powerful, it made me a clown. I lived a life that was starving for acknowledgement and acceptance. I wanted someone to approve of me, but I took the counterfeits, however they came.
Now as you sit there reading this, what is the damage you have tried to mend? Join me in this prayer: “Holy Spirit, show me what went wrong. Reveal to me the lie that I have believed about myself. Show me how you see me and what you are inviting me into. Reveal to me heaven’s assignment on my life. I choose to move out of my old identity and into yours. Amen.”
Written by: Jordan Mudrock